Update

It's May of 2017. I haven't wrote in this blog for years or posted another youtube video to my channel. Yet,  I think about it everyday. I guess some time passed and I was waiting for the "perfect" moment to start, but what I'm realizing is that there is never going to be a perfect moment in my life where I'm ready.

I feel so lost. A lot has happened since I stopped writing. I don't know where to begin. Which might be another reason I have been putting of blogging and posting videos. 

I'm not going to go into great details but I ended up getting a really bad infection when I got my implants put in from my mastectomy. I ended up all together having 6 different surgeries because every time they would put a new pair of implants in my body would reject them. I would get a rash on my right side of my breast and scar tissue around the implant would capsule. I had no energy and was like this for about a year until they finally found out what kind of infection it was and were able to treat it. I was on really strong antibiotics that would make me feel sick. 

Its been some time now and I'm off all the medicine and I've had these implants with no problem. It has certainly been a journey. All in all I still agree with deciding to have the surgery. But, looking back it was a very BIG decision and I wasn't prepared for all the emotional things that came with having the surgery done. How I felt after....how they looked, etc. It was an experience hard to explain but I'm def glad its over. 

I also went to LA for 2 months and did the acting program I always wanted to do. I went Dec 2014 to Jan 2015. My last surgery I had on my breast was Nov 20th, 2014. I needed up recovering nicely and I had the time off so I decided that was the time to go and take the plunge. I had a great time. It was a little rocky in the beginning. I stayed with a women that posted an ad on Craigslist looking for a roommate. She was an older middle-aged women. She was way too intense. Lots of cats and it just wasn't a good fit. I needed up leaving and staying at an hotel for a few nights before I found another place to live. It was with another women who was previously in the entertainment business. Her place was beautiful and she kept to herself so it was a great fit. I had my own bedroom and bathroom and a cute little patio. Before I met with her I looked at a few other places and they just weren't a fit and I remember driving and thinking how I wish I could find just a nice place I had this idea in my head of the place I wanted to stay and then that night is when I saw her ad. It worked out great. I have a lot of video footage of my time in LA doing the acting program. I plan to post it to my youtube channel as soon as I get it all together and edit it. 

Thats a little bit of an update about those 2 things because I know I talked about them in the past. I'm going to start blogging more. I guess the main reason I want to blog is because I want to remember. Its so easy to forget things. You think when they happen that you will always remember them but in tie they start to fade or you start to second guess your memory. Even while posting this about my mastectomy I used to remember all the dates and details, but in time they are becoming foggy. 

I'm going to Europe this Summer for 25 days! I want to blog everyday because I want to remember and have those memory to look back on. 

Also, I'm 27 now...I have never felt more lost in my life. I'm not sure of anything. What I want? What I believe? What I want to do? I want to write about how I'm feeling because I don't think I'm the only one who feels like this......so until next time!